Friday, July 3, 2009

First Date Awkwardness Part 1

So you all may remember the last time I was faced with going on a first date with someone, I panicked and bailed because I thought he was a stupid redneck truck driver (which I still stand by, even to this day). Well I had another chance (not with the same person), but I overcame panic and actually went on the date.

This guy - we'll call him Armani - and I had actually been flirting off and on whenever he came into the library. I was going to give him my phone # ages ago, but chickened out, and then he stopped coming in. Well about a month or two ago, he came back and the flirting resumed. However since it's me, disaster struck. Your favorite crazy and mine, Coltrane started up his regular behavior. **side story** Coltrane came up to the front desk one day and asked if I was a vampire. I said no, and he insisted I was because I was wearing black and red. When I denied it again, he said that I was a werewolf, and that he could tell because of the structure of my face. He then told me he was a hybrid - half vampire/half werewolf -- obviously he had just watched Underworld**

So anyway - I was in the stacks looking for a book (and ok, I knew Armani was sitting at a desk back there, and I wanted to sneak a look at him {I realize it's kinda creepy as I type it out, but whatever - I know plenty of you would do the same thing}. Well Coltrane walks past, sees me, and backs up and comes down the aisle to talk to me. He just starts handing me random books that I don't need, and when I try to reach for one that I do, he would try to bite my fingers. He then started to talk to me about seeing me at karaoke, and did I go a lot, and I decided it was time to walk away. As I'm walking away he shouts "Will you marry me?". I said no, of course, and he asked "Why not?". I'm practically running away now, and run right past Armani. About 1/2 hour to an hour later, I decided I really did need music trivia, and I thought I would try to find some in Guinness World Records or the World Atlas. As I'm heading to the section, I look over and see Coltrane talking to Armani. Crap! Now I have to go try and rescue him from the crazy!

So I go over and ask Coltrane if he's bothering Armani, and Armani says "No, it's cool". And while I'm trying to persuade him that it's ok to say, "Yes, he's bothering me", Coltrane keeps grabbing at my necklace like a 6 month old. Disaster. Eventually I gave up and walked away, praying I wouldn't have to try to intervene again later. The next day he came in, and I went over to apologize for the mess the day before. He said it was ok, and he felt sorry for him - and oh - I could come and talk to him anytime. Score!

Well I didn't see him for about 2 weeks after that. Then the day that he came in some kid had me cornered at the reference desk, and then followed me over to my office and kept talking my ear off and I thought I lost my chance. I was sitting in my office working on the computer when I heard Armani again - being cornered and talked to death by our resident deaf guy. Ok - so he's not completely deaf - he has hearing aids, but he still signs the majority of what he's saying as he's saying it. That's not what makes him annoying. What makes him annoying is that he preys upon people (specifically, kids - see, creepy!), catching them in awkward conversations in an attempt to get them to come to his sign language class, and the conversation is always the same.

Deaf Guy: Hi, my name is Chris*

Unsuspecting Victim: (looking nervously around) Um, hi...


DG: I am the oldest of 7 brothers. How many brothers and sisters do you have?

UV: Um, 2.

DG: I teach sign language. I taught myself Icelandic, Japanese, Hawaiian, etc. (with childish signs for each of them - i.e. using his fingers to make his eyes slant upwards for Japanese)

UV:( slowly backing away)
*name changed to protect the not-so-innocent

If you want proof, ask Mary - she got cornered by him when she came to help with my Twilight party.

Back to the story - Armani's wrapping up with DG when I hear him say "Yeah you should come. It'll be cool - there will be a healing and probably some speaking in tongues and stuff." NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Now, I'm a Christan, but I just don't dig that stuf - esp. when you're basically implying it be done on command) I was reeling from hearing that when he came to the door and handed me one the fliers he had obviously just given DG. It was for some revival weekend that he told me he was drumming at (which I couldn't go to because of Guys and Dolls - darn!), and then he gave me his number on the back. I could only text him though. I gave him my phone # too because I decided to give him a chance instead of like the last time.

Later however, the speaking in tongues thing bothered me, and I decided to ask him about it. He replied "Well I haven't done it personally, but I am a Christian for sure - and a single dad." Before you freak, I knew he was a dad, but it seemed strange from him to connect the two into a single thought. Still feeling optimistic I agreed to meet him for a lunch date - which I'll tell you about with the next post because this one is getting too long.


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