Why Couldn't It Just Be Werewolves?

That would be a hell of a lot easier for me to handle than crazy people. Though not nearly as amusing for anyone who likes to read my blog.

This past Monday was a full moon, but usually the insanity starts a few days ahead. This started almost a whole week ahead. Last Tuesday morning I was up at the front desk with Mary. This woman walks in muttering to herself - sadly, not all that unusual. She comes up to the front desk, and says something totally incoherent. I was helping a patron, but I said hello, and she walked off. She comes back up a few minutes later and sees our "No cell phones" sign. She starts muttering about how "some son of a bitch took my cell phone...", and then switches to complaining about out automatic door that doesn't work. I started to explain that you had to press the button on the wall for it to open (something most 3 yr olds figure out quickly), when she turned to Mary and said "This one is just as stupid as can be". Oooh - she crossed the line there, but she's crazy, so I let it slide. She continued to stand there and mutter, and we ignored her. One of my habits is playing with the rubber bands at the front desk. I never shoot anyone (well, except the occasional coworker), instead it's just something to keep my hands busy. Well she sees me doing this and says, "You gonna shoot me with that? I'll come over there and slap you". Mary gives her another look, and she said "Oh, I guess not", and then Mary asked her to leave.

Well I had to go to the West Branch to take back some of our props from the Harry Potter party, and when I pulled back up in the parking lot, she was talking to our regular, Coltrane, the schizophrenic. Fantastic. Later that afternoon the we had to call the police on the woman because she slapped another one of our patrons. Apparently the police were well familiar with her.

That just left Coltrane, who decided he wanted to talk to me. I was helping another patron, when he came up to the desk and asked "Do you have any kids?". I said no. "Do you want to have mine?". Oh. My. God. I said no, and that it was horribly inappropriate for him to ask such a thing. I then went and told Diane about it, and she had a talk with him. He came up to me later and said "I'm not sorry for what I said, but if it made you uncomfortable, I guess I'm sorry about that." Umm, ok. I said, "Well, I guess that's sort of an apology."

I wish the story ended there.

The next day he came in, and again, wanted to talk to me. Margaret was at the desk with me, but at the time was shelving some DVDs nearby - she could hear the conversation, and later told me it took everything she had not to die laughing. So he comes up and asks "Are you married?". This time, I thought I had learned, and so I lied. "Yes". "How long have you been married?" "Four years" "You must not be very happy". Ok - I took the bait. "Why is that?" "Because you look angry every time you come to work". I wanted to say that I only looked angry when he appeared, but I didn't. It also occurred to me that it implied he was stalking me, but I haven't seen him that often when I come in, and he's big and slow, so it's not that he's hiding that well.

After that, he pretty much left me alone, except that at some point in time he decided to make up his own language, and took to singing a song in that language outside the doors at the top of his lungs. We decided to ignore it because, well, at least he was outside, and not inside bothering us. Of course, then he decided to come inside and try to talk with us in his language, and we refused and sent him outside again.

That was Tues and Wed. Thursday I was at the Marion Street Cafe for karaoke night, when who should appear? Jesus - maybe he is stalking me. (Not that Jesus was stalking me - don't take things so literally) However, he's been banned, and was soon thrown out.

That's my excitement for the week, I'm sure I'll have more craziness soon.