With a new year, I figured it's time to give this blog new life.
Sadly, it was ended almost a year ago due to an unfortunate incident I've been trying to block from my mind. What has spawned this new eagerness to blog? Well aside from my newish laptop, and the whole New Year's resolution stuff, it is this. The PR group in charge of promoting the Coraline movie has been sending boxes of Coraline stuff out to bloggers talking about the movie. It's like a golden ticket!!! And I am Charlie Bucket and it is my sincerest wish to get one.
In case there are any of the PR people stumbling across this blog let me tell you why I think I should get it.
1. I am a huge Neil Gaiman fan! So much so that I actually read several of his stories from Smoke and Mirrors at bedtime to my high school youth group while we were on a trip - and made fans out of several of them.
2. I have a degree in animation. Sadly, a degree I do not use at my current job in a library, but that would make it all the more sweet! I was dying to work at Aardman studios (or any other studio for that matter) for the longest time, and actually applied to several jobs, but alas nothing. Stop-motion has a special place in my heart and I understand the work that goes into these movies.
3. Since I work at a library, I could use it for a display to promote the movie AND his books! How awesome would that be?!
So - ye gods of Coraline PR, if you want to grant a sad librarian one wish this new year, it would be to recieve one of your glorious boxes - my email is stephaniemarietyson@hotmail.com - just in case you need to email me to get my address.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
I don't know how much I'll write here now
I just got a verbal warning at work, one that will go on my permanent record, due to the content of the last post, which has now been deleted. You can still read my blog on myspace, but I am changing my settings as we speak to only enable friends to view it.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Monday, November 19, 2007
Redneckus Totalis: The Name Game
After a bit of a hiatus, I've decided to bring back a popular blog subject - the study of the North American Redneckus Totalis. Further case studies have been inspired by a recent opportunity to observe some members of this species. The last case study touched upon the topic of the family, but today's focus is on the naming of children.
In a time when celebrities are naming their children such things as Audio Science (Shannyn Sossamon), Pilot Inspector (Jason Lee), and Moxie CrimeFighter (Penn Gilette), it's hardly a wonder that members of this species have taken to doing the same. As of late, I've had the pleasure of meeting a young child named Trucker. Not Tucker, Trucker - as in "one who drives a truck". This child is also cross-eyed and has a mullet. Chances of him surviving in normal society are slim, but among his own people, he may grow up to be a god -- or at least father to 5 children - sometimes they're the same thing.
As many of us have experienced growing up, there is a hierarchy of names. The name you are given is said to affect personality, and can often be the deciding factor in how much your made fun of/beaten the crap out of in school. So while in the 80s names like Jennifer, Stephanie, Matt, and Jeremy prevailed among the rest of the population, the Redneckus Totalis had its own hierarchy of names it adhered to - Bubba, Beau, Jana, or Paris. Which brings us to another point: often, in an attempt to help propel their children to greatness, the Redeckus Totalis will give their children names of things they think are fancy - Chardonnay, Paris, Diamond or, if they can't think of something, even just the name Fancy has been known to be given. Certain names have more power and significance among this species, and below is a list of those names and their ranking in that society.
10. Walker
9. Texas Ranger (if you want a sissy - name him Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman)
8. John Boy
7. Trucker
6. Luke or Beau (Duke - they helped bring incest [referred to by most RTs as "familial love"] to prime time)
5. John Deere
4. Copenhagen (note: not named for the city)
3. Forrest (as in Gump, hero of the species - also acceptable: Bubba or Lt. Dan)
2. George W.
and, as if you couldn't guess this one:
1. Dale Earnhardt (not Jr)
Other names that are equally powerful, but not listed here are as follows: any beer company (American preferred), any CONFEDERATE Civil War general, car, or tractor make/model.
Still, there are others that adhere to the Double Name Rule. This rule was inspired by the idea that if you can't choose between two things you like - chocolate and peanut butter, pot and cartoons, fishing and drinking, hunting and drinking, driving and drinking, then having them both together is twice as good! So, often children of this species have two first names - Mary Beth, Bobbie Jo, Ricky Bobby, Jim Bob etc. **Warning!** Sometimes members of normal society are mistaken for Redneckus Totalis if their family usually refers to them by their first and middle names (ex: Laurie - known as just Laurie to the rest of us, but called Laurie Ann[e?] by her family). Look for other signs that denote membership of the species before committing a heinous faux-pas.
So what is Trucker's fate? Normally I would say he is no more damned than if you named your child Taylor and they ended up in a sweat-shop, however truck driver is a common profession among the Redneckus Totalis, and so it would seem it is destiny. Until he grows up and achieves truck-driving greatness though, he is probably also destined to get the shit kicked out of him because he will attend public school, and is cross-eyed with a mullet - he's, let's face it, an easy target. Unless of course his mother is a member of the species that believes passing on her own ignorance is better than a public education. In such a case, he may just grow up to be president.
In a time when celebrities are naming their children such things as Audio Science (Shannyn Sossamon), Pilot Inspector (Jason Lee), and Moxie CrimeFighter (Penn Gilette), it's hardly a wonder that members of this species have taken to doing the same. As of late, I've had the pleasure of meeting a young child named Trucker. Not Tucker, Trucker - as in "one who drives a truck". This child is also cross-eyed and has a mullet. Chances of him surviving in normal society are slim, but among his own people, he may grow up to be a god -- or at least father to 5 children - sometimes they're the same thing.
As many of us have experienced growing up, there is a hierarchy of names. The name you are given is said to affect personality, and can often be the deciding factor in how much your made fun of/beaten the crap out of in school. So while in the 80s names like Jennifer, Stephanie, Matt, and Jeremy prevailed among the rest of the population, the Redneckus Totalis had its own hierarchy of names it adhered to - Bubba, Beau, Jana, or Paris. Which brings us to another point: often, in an attempt to help propel their children to greatness, the Redeckus Totalis will give their children names of things they think are fancy - Chardonnay, Paris, Diamond or, if they can't think of something, even just the name Fancy has been known to be given. Certain names have more power and significance among this species, and below is a list of those names and their ranking in that society.
10. Walker
9. Texas Ranger (if you want a sissy - name him Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman)
8. John Boy
7. Trucker
6. Luke or Beau (Duke - they helped bring incest [referred to by most RTs as "familial love"] to prime time)
5. John Deere
4. Copenhagen (note: not named for the city)
3. Forrest (as in Gump, hero of the species - also acceptable: Bubba or Lt. Dan)
2. George W.
and, as if you couldn't guess this one:
1. Dale Earnhardt (not Jr)
Other names that are equally powerful, but not listed here are as follows: any beer company (American preferred), any CONFEDERATE Civil War general, car, or tractor make/model.
Still, there are others that adhere to the Double Name Rule. This rule was inspired by the idea that if you can't choose between two things you like - chocolate and peanut butter, pot and cartoons, fishing and drinking, hunting and drinking, driving and drinking, then having them both together is twice as good! So, often children of this species have two first names - Mary Beth, Bobbie Jo, Ricky Bobby, Jim Bob etc. **Warning!** Sometimes members of normal society are mistaken for Redneckus Totalis if their family usually refers to them by their first and middle names (ex: Laurie - known as just Laurie to the rest of us, but called Laurie Ann[e?] by her family). Look for other signs that denote membership of the species before committing a heinous faux-pas.
So what is Trucker's fate? Normally I would say he is no more damned than if you named your child Taylor and they ended up in a sweat-shop, however truck driver is a common profession among the Redneckus Totalis, and so it would seem it is destiny. Until he grows up and achieves truck-driving greatness though, he is probably also destined to get the shit kicked out of him because he will attend public school, and is cross-eyed with a mullet - he's, let's face it, an easy target. Unless of course his mother is a member of the species that believes passing on her own ignorance is better than a public education. In such a case, he may just grow up to be president.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Levity
Alright, I feel I should post something a little lighter, and since I was a lazy slacker and didn't post this when it happened, I should do it now.
Does everyone remember the woman who brought in the books filled with roaches? Really, how could you forget? Well a few weeks ago she came in with an Outkast shirt on that said "So Fresh and So Clean". Excuse me, waiter? There's some irony in my soup.
That same day I signed Howard Johnson up for a library card. I thought about making some smartass remark, but I figure the poor guy gets it all the time, so for once I kept my mouth shut.
Does everyone remember the woman who brought in the books filled with roaches? Really, how could you forget? Well a few weeks ago she came in with an Outkast shirt on that said "So Fresh and So Clean". Excuse me, waiter? There's some irony in my soup.
That same day I signed Howard Johnson up for a library card. I thought about making some smartass remark, but I figure the poor guy gets it all the time, so for once I kept my mouth shut.
Limbo
Purgatory. That's what state my life is in right now - that irritating not knowing what's going to happen next. Of course you may ask how that differs from everyday life, unless one was psychic. To that I would reply - "Ha ha, smartass. Don't take things so literally - you know that I mean." Because though you may not know what will happen, most of you can safely assume you will be living in the same house, the same town, be at the same job a month from now. Not so for me. I could still be here, or I could be living in Lakeland or Columbus, OH.
About a week or so ago my mother decided that the principal of her school is trying to get her fired, so she's going to quit before that can happen. Before you suggest it, I'm sure she is well aware that she'd get unemployment if fired, but I think she's afraid that she'll never be able to teach again if the principal gets her way. So she's applied for a job in AL, and goes for an interview Tues. There are also all the signs from God she's gotten that this is the best plan of action : 1. She didn't throw away the boxes from when we moved less than a year ago. 2. It's coming up on 1 yr, so we wouldn't have to break our lease to move. 3. I mentioned a job in Ohio doing children's programming before she told me about possibly getting fired.
I can't afford our house by myself or even with Kellie, so if she moves, I inevitably have to move. And it's here that I become completely ambivalent. On the one hand, I really want to move away from Lake City. I am damn sick of moving - it's been once a year for 15 yrs, like the military, but without the benefits of being a military brat. I am ready to move somewhere and stay there for a few years. I applied for a job in OH, but I'm doubtful that I'll get it. I could move in with my grandmother in Lakeland, but I'd spend all of my free time cleaning out her junk-filled house.
However I find myself getting really upset when I think about moving away. It's has nothing to do with the town itself, or my job, but rather the people I work with (most of them), my friends, and people who go to my church (some are under all 3 categories). I'd be more upset moving away from people like Diane and Beverly than my own mother. They're family.
The problem with staying in Lake City (aside from the objections that I'm just hindering myself that I'm sure to hear), is that it would probably mean moving several times. I could move into the trailer on Becky's property, but when she and Jeremy start building their house, I'd have to move b/c they'd get rid of the trailer. Though I haven't approached them about it yet, Caitlin's parents might let me move into her old room, but again, I couldn't stay there for any real length of time, and as I mentioned earlier I'm tired of moving constantly.
Of course, the whole thing could be a moot point. My mother might not get the job in AL. I still feel I need some kind of a plan though, because sitting around and waiting really sucks.
About a week or so ago my mother decided that the principal of her school is trying to get her fired, so she's going to quit before that can happen. Before you suggest it, I'm sure she is well aware that she'd get unemployment if fired, but I think she's afraid that she'll never be able to teach again if the principal gets her way. So she's applied for a job in AL, and goes for an interview Tues. There are also all the signs from God she's gotten that this is the best plan of action : 1. She didn't throw away the boxes from when we moved less than a year ago. 2. It's coming up on 1 yr, so we wouldn't have to break our lease to move. 3. I mentioned a job in Ohio doing children's programming before she told me about possibly getting fired.
I can't afford our house by myself or even with Kellie, so if she moves, I inevitably have to move. And it's here that I become completely ambivalent. On the one hand, I really want to move away from Lake City. I am damn sick of moving - it's been once a year for 15 yrs, like the military, but without the benefits of being a military brat. I am ready to move somewhere and stay there for a few years. I applied for a job in OH, but I'm doubtful that I'll get it. I could move in with my grandmother in Lakeland, but I'd spend all of my free time cleaning out her junk-filled house.
However I find myself getting really upset when I think about moving away. It's has nothing to do with the town itself, or my job, but rather the people I work with (most of them), my friends, and people who go to my church (some are under all 3 categories). I'd be more upset moving away from people like Diane and Beverly than my own mother. They're family.
The problem with staying in Lake City (aside from the objections that I'm just hindering myself that I'm sure to hear), is that it would probably mean moving several times. I could move into the trailer on Becky's property, but when she and Jeremy start building their house, I'd have to move b/c they'd get rid of the trailer. Though I haven't approached them about it yet, Caitlin's parents might let me move into her old room, but again, I couldn't stay there for any real length of time, and as I mentioned earlier I'm tired of moving constantly.
Of course, the whole thing could be a moot point. My mother might not get the job in AL. I still feel I need some kind of a plan though, because sitting around and waiting really sucks.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Varying Degrees of Ridiculousness
I've been such a slacker - I figured it was time for an update abut all the funny, strange things that I've noticed.
To start with, I found a book in our library called One Hand for Yourself, One Hand for the Ship - A Guide to One-handed Sailing. Now is it just me, or does this sound like a masturbation book to anyone else?
The second wickedly amusing thing- I was mailing out overdue notices when I came across this:
Windy Gayle Thompson*
1167 Stormy Glen
*I changed the last name and house number, but that is seriously the name and street of the person.
Third, I got to see the Superfreak get bitched out by someone's mother. (Unfamiliar with the Superfreak? Read my original confrontation here.) So this past Thurs, Kate and I were up at the cafe for karaoke night, when of course he came in. Surprisingly, he hasn't been his usual supercreepy self, but apparently someone else has been on the end of his attentions, because when we went to leave this woman was screaming at him in the parking lot. She kept yelling "Stay away from my daughter! If I ever see you hit on her again, I'll rip you apart!". It was really scary, and I kinda felt bad for him, but at the same time I absolutely reveled in it.
To start with, I found a book in our library called One Hand for Yourself, One Hand for the Ship - A Guide to One-handed Sailing. Now is it just me, or does this sound like a masturbation book to anyone else?
The second wickedly amusing thing- I was mailing out overdue notices when I came across this:
Windy Gayle Thompson*
1167 Stormy Glen
*I changed the last name and house number, but that is seriously the name and street of the person.
Third, I got to see the Superfreak get bitched out by someone's mother. (Unfamiliar with the Superfreak? Read my original confrontation here.) So this past Thurs, Kate and I were up at the cafe for karaoke night, when of course he came in. Surprisingly, he hasn't been his usual supercreepy self, but apparently someone else has been on the end of his attentions, because when we went to leave this woman was screaming at him in the parking lot. She kept yelling "Stay away from my daughter! If I ever see you hit on her again, I'll rip you apart!". It was really scary, and I kinda felt bad for him, but at the same time I absolutely reveled in it.
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