How Many Idiots Does It Take...?

We've just switched over to a new system at work, and as a result, our new web page has been on the fritz. Unfortunately, our main catalogs at the library are dependent upon the website.

Well Nicole and I were sitting at reference, when I noticed some people were over at the catalog. I knew the catalog was shot, so I was just waiting for them to realize it and come over to ask me about the location of some books. 10 minutes later they're still standing there slack-jawed looking at the computer. Finally they came over, and the guy asked about a website for car prices. We gave them some, and they walked over to one of our computers on the perimeter. These don't have Internet access either, so Nicole and I just watched, waiting for them to realize and to come back.

1o minutes later they're still starting at a web page that won't come up. Then a THIRD person comes up, and they sit there for another 5 minutes. I just couldn't take it anymore, and I walked over to tell them that it didn't have Internet...jeez.

I Call Him Jon Stewart, He Calls Me Miss

I know I have been a total slacker. I really need to write more on this personal blog, but the supergroup seems to sap all my creativity each week. (Though some who have read my posts there might beg to differ)

Anyways, I thought I'd tell you all about my trip to NYC. The plane ride over was rather uneventful - though going through security in Jacksonville took longer than in JFK on the way back. Laurie met me at the airport, and after what seemed like riding for forever on the subway we got to her place, dropped off my stuff, and went to meet her friends for drinks.

We went to this tiny Irish bar - this place was barely wider than most hallways - and I finally got to meet Laurie's friend Christine, along with some of her friends - Gideon, Anwar, some other chick, and this damn fine guy, Adam. They had started long before we got there, so we only had about 1 drink, and everyone went their own ways. So Laurie and I decided to go to Trader Joe's (this grocery store) so I wouldn't spend all of my money on food. I kid you not, the line for the cash registers wraps around the inside of the building. Good food for really reasonable prices, but Jesus, waiting in line - thankfully I was there with Laurie, so we could keep hopping in and out of line to grab stuff while we waited.

The next day Laurie had to go to a meeting in Denver. I was awakened at about 4 in the morning because she didn't have any cash and she needed to pay for a ride, as the one that was supposed to be there was going to be 1/2 hr late. My original intention for that day was to go to the Today show with a sign saying "I just got to NYC last night, and today my friend abandoned me" - not that I actually felt that way, but because it would get me attention and some airtime. Alas, my laziness got the better of me (well and being woken up) and I slept in 'til about 9, left the house about 11, and made my way to the Guggenheim. Unfortunately, the outside was being worked on, so all I could see was scaffolding, but the inside didn't disappoint. (I wish I had something other than dialup, otherwise I'd post some pics right now). To add to the disappointment, there was also a school group there that day to add to the crowds, so I didn't get to spend as much time looking at some paintings as I would have liked.

I bought a citypass (this little booklet with discounted tickets to museums and other attractions), and it had a ticket to the Natural History Museum, so I though "what the heck". I looked at the map and saw it was just on the other side of Central Park, so I decided to just cut through. (I probably would've visited at some point anyways). I was starting on a path, but after a few minuted realized I couldn't follow it through like I thought, as it was curving in the wrong direction. I had pulled out a map, when a woman came up and asked if I needed help. I told her where I was going, and she pointed me in the right direction, and I finally got there.

My booklet not only gave me admission to the museum, but also paid for a show in the planetarium. After meandering for an hour I made my way to the planetarium. Very cool show, but some of the info was questionable. They presented this theory as to how the moon was created (which I had never heard before), in which this asteroid or some other enormous thing crashed into the earth when it was still forming, and all this magma and rock flew into space. Well the earth's gravity kept it in orbit, and after one week (that's right - they somehow know it was one week) the bits started forming together, and after one month we had the moon. Such bullshit. I mean, I suppose that could be the way it was formed, but they shouldn't have given a timeline. Aside from that though, the museum is really cool - I barely saw a third of it (and I didn't even really read any signs) - definitely worth checking out if you ever go to NY. (I might be a bit biased though - I've always loved science or science-type museums). Sadly after that I was completely exhausted, and made my way home and just chilled out. Laurie didn't get home til about 11, and we planned to go shopping the next day.

Yet again we slept in - til about 10 - and didn't get out of the house til about 12. We made our way over to SoHo to check out the shops. It was pretty crowded down there, but it was a nice day, so everyone was out and about. I had an strange old man tell me that I looked good in black and green. One place we stopped in was Girl Props. Laurie told me that for the longest time she thought it was an adult toy shop for women, but it actually just had cheap accessories. The rest of the shops were ho-hum, mainly shops that I couldn't get much in because I'm not Laurie's size. However we did go to MoCCA, the Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art. Not very large - about the size of one's apartment, but they had some cool exhibits, like the retrospective on Stan Lee, and another on Saturday morning cartoons. I think we finished that day by going to see Children of Men. Excellent film - very glad I went to see it.

The next day we went to shops that I wanted to see. First though, the Museum of Sex. I have to say this was one of the most fun things that we did on this trip. The first floor was the changing exhibit, which at the time was on kink and fetishism. Really interesting, though I have to confess I had seen a lot of it on Real Sex on HBO. Pony play, Cannibalism, Balloon Poppers, Plushies - the works. There was a chart that laid out all the underlying themes and the connections between different ones, and next to the ones females particularly favored, they had the little female symbol. The next floor up was a history of porn with, of course, video. It started with the beginnings of film up to modern day - even the celebrity movies. (Paris Hilton's? Boring!) Laurie told me later that at some point in time she realized that we were just watching porn in public with a bunch of strangers. The third floor had all sorts of toys throughout time, including the real dolls. They had the torso of one you could grope and prod, and I have to say it didn't really feel all that real to me. And the hairstyles you could choose from? All out of the 80's. They had some cool stuff in the gift shop - like shirts that said "She comes first", but I didn't get anything. I ended up blowing most of my money later that day at Lush (it's an addiction) and Lane Bryant (40% everything in the store - even clearance!)

Monday I was on my own again, so I went to the MoMA. It was fantastic, and like walking through an art history book - I recognized at least 1/2 the works in display. I wandered around that area a bit, went to Rockefeller Center, Radio City Music Hall, and St. Patrick's cathedral. I then decided to brave Chinatown. It's like a giant flea market, but with signs you can't read and people who speak another language. It's all cheap T-shirts and knock off handbags. After walking awhile, I found the restaurant my guidebook recommended, the Golden Unicorn. It was excellent - I had dim sum (dumplings for anyone not in the know), and I ended up trying about 6 dishes (hey- each only had about 3 pieces ea.), mainly because the women kept coming by with carts and I couldn't get them to go away. It was still early when I got done, so I trekked back up to Midtown to visit FAO Schwarz.(It was snowing pretty hard once I got off the subway). As I rounded the corner, I saw the famous Apple store Laurie had told me about. It's just his giant glass cube with a lit up Apple logo hanging in the middle - that's it, because the actual store is underground. The toy store was cool (no, I didn't dance on the giant piano), but I didn't have much time to look around.

Tuesday I slept in 'til about 10, then went to take Laurie out to lunch. Unfortunately, I got a little lost - as someone just told me to head west, and it was noon (and my compass was in my other pants), but she found me and we went to this kickass noodle place. Then we made a stop at Jacques Torres' chocolate store, and I made my way to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I knew I didn't have time to see everything, so I just saw the Egyptian wing, arms and armory, musical instruments, and some of the medieval wing. I also planned to wait til dark, and then go to the Empire State Building, but the museum closed at about 5:15, and it was really cold and windy, so I didn't bother waiting around. Thankfully there wasn't a wait, and I was able to go right up. It was pretty amazing, but would've been a little pricey had I not bought the citypass. That night, Laurie and I drank a bottle and a half of wine between us and were pretty drunk. Yes, on a Tuesday night as well.

The next day was the taping of the Daily Show! First though, we met up with a friend from high school who happened to be visiting the same time I was. We went to Mariella's for a slice, as it had been on Oprah as having some of the best pizza in the country. I thought it was really good, but Laurie said she had better. Unfortunately, Veronita was a little late, so we only had about 20 minutes to talk before we had to leave to get in line. We waited for forever, but finally made it in. I thought that maybe they shot more footage and edited it before airing, but I guess with the time restraints they can't - everything you see on TV is what was filmed. (The exception being the link-up with Stephen Colbert - both he and Jon Stewart lost it and they had to refilm). Winton Marsalis was the guest, but it was really uncomfortable to watch - he wasn't as personable as most guests, though that might have been because he has a new cd out and the damn dj didn't play anything from it between bits. (I really wanted to hear it). After the main taping, they had to tape an intro to the global edition, and Jon Stewart asked if anyone had seen it . I think I was the only one to raise my hand and he asked me where I had been. (I was talking to Jon Stewart!!!) I told him Switzerland and he said "How did they feel about it? I'm guessing neutral." After everyone laughed he goes - "No really, what were you doing over there - skiing?". I told him that I had a friend who was teaching English and he said "Yeah, ok. *wink*" That was it, but still pretty damn cool. Laurie and I then went to Times Square - oh.my.god. It was so crowded and it was just other tourists. They go home thinking that's what NYC is like, but the truth it there were times I'd only pass a few people on some streets.

All in all it was a really great trip, and I'm glad I got to hang out with Laurie. Hopefully you actually made it all the way through to this point.

My 15 Second of Fame

So I was at the reference desk tonight, and Nicole and I were looking up stuff on google. She says "Oh my friend and I have searched our names - just type Stephanie _____  in quotes and see what comes up". I did, and nothing. So I just typed in "Stephanie ______", not expecting much, and the first link was imdb. So we click it and are looking at the page, and I go "Oh my god! That's me!". She goes "nuh-uh". "Yeah - there's Glenn _____ too", and she says "Oh, well I guess it is you - I didn't believe you 'til I saw his name".

Here is the link to the page - crazy. I knew that Killian and Jodie were on there because they worked on some real films (ok low-budget, but they were feature length). So go to imdb and look up all our friends. (Or for those people who don't know my friends - Glenn _____, Jeremy _____, Matt ____, and Jodie _____)

Oh - and I'm going to post about my trip to NY soon when I have more time - so probably Friday.

Let's Go A Round

I kinda got into my first real fight with a patron yesterday.

This guy came in, and unfortunately I knew what he wanted before he even opened his mouth, however I let him ask. He came up and asked about two books we had for him, and then handed in a postcard. Well the postcard said that we would hold them until January 20th - now think about what yesterday's date was - Feb 7th. So I went back and pulled the ILL (interlibrary loan) slips he had filled out to get these books, and I told him that we sent them back on the 31st. He argued that he didn't even get the postcard until the 21st. OK - so I repeated that we didn't send the book back until the 31st. (And again, he was coming in on the 7th to ask about them)

He claimed he went to the Fort White branch on the 21st (Why? The books weren't there! The postcard has the name and address of the branch they're being held at), and we had already sent them back. I showed him the date on the slips and told him he was wrong. So then he started arguing that the date on the postcard was wrong. Um, no - we normally hold books for a week - which was the date on the card, but because it was an ILL we were nice and held it for 10 days longer than we should have. This went on for about 10 minutes, and his leaps in faulty logic were such that after one particularly confounding sentence I said "OK - wait, what?!"

Eventually Diane had to come out to break it up. She pulled me aside and said that she didn't come up because I had done anything wrong, it was just to get him to shut up and go away. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, until I went into the back and everyone was asking me about it - apparently we were making a lot of noise, and they thought I might reach across the counter and strangle him. Maybe next time. (And yes, I'm sure there will be a next time)

Furry Happy Monsters

Who doesn't love REM and the Muppets?

Stranger Than A Gang Of Drunken Mimes

I don't have anything particularly interesting to write about in my life right now, so I'm going to do a post about some of the things in the news lately.

First, the State of the Union Address. Here is a link in case you want to read it for yourselves. I was reading it, when this excerpt caught my eye:

Our success in this war is often measured by the things that did not happen.

What?! You can't do that! Does anyone else remember the episode of the Simpsons with the Bear Patrol? Homer and Lisa are standing on the lawn and Homer says that the bear patrol must be working because he didn't see any bears. Lisa chides him and says you can't measure success by what you don't see. She then picks up a rocks and says "I could say this is a magical rock that keeps tigers away". Homer says "Interesting how does it work?". Lisa, exasperated, says "It doesn't! But I don't see any tigers around, do you?" Homer goes "How much do you want for that rock?". It's the same thing here. Granted, he does go on to list things they've supposedly stopped, but that was through intelligence, not because we were killing anything that moved in the desert.

The other news bit was this. As if robot rights weren't enough to make you feel like we're living in a sci-fi novel, the US military unveils a heat-ray. Yes, a heat-ray, though their calling it an "Active Denial" something-or-another. It's mounted on a big truck, so I don't think we have to worry about it being portable anytime soon, but it's kinda scary. It uses microwaves to boil the water under your skin. There's a video on the BBC website as well, under the technology section, in case you're interested. Oh and this little tidbit. The US Military is also seeking scientists to manufacture synthetic black ice to be used in combat. Now this means nothing to people who have lived in FL all their lives, though I'm not one of them. It just seems like such a bizarre tactic, though I supposed if used in someplace like the Middle East, where they don't have it, it could be quite effective.

Meh. That's all I have right now. Be sure to check out my post on Blog Supergroup! This week's topic - guilty TV pleasures.

The 5 Habits of People Who Grieve Well

This is an actually pamphlet at my church, but rather than read it (read? who does that anymore?), I've decided to make up my own.

1. Wear bright colors everyday - no more black (unless it's maybe an accent color). Thus when it comes time for you to grieve, the all black ensemble you're sure to be wearing will be much more noticeable, and people won't ask you such bothersome questions as "What's wrong?", "Are you OK?", and the like. **Note: If you are a goth, just reverse this rule - so as you wear black all the time, when you are grieving you should wear bright colors. Beware though, people might just think you had a lobotomy, rather than you are just grieving.**

2. Take time to imagine your family and/or friends dying everyday. Go through different, horrifying scenarios, so when that day comes one of two things will happen: 1. You'll be completely desensitized because you already imagined them being torn apart by sharks or 2. You'll actually be relieved because they didn't die in the horrible manner you imagined.

3. Attend as many funerals as possible. This is your time to practice grieving in front of other people. Get to know your audience. If you're with a group of WASPS, you're expected to emotionally reserved and either drunk, on Valium, or both. In other scenarios, you might be expected to tear your hair out and wail. If you're with goths, you should act jealous - it's not fair they got to die and you're stuck in this endless misery called life. If someone at the funeral questions your relationship to the deceased any of the following will do:

• You met at an S&M conference
• You are the lover/mistress/sex slave of the deceased
• You "talked" on the Internet
• You're his/her mail order bride/groom, and you just got to this country

Feel free to tweak those responses, but as they are, they are guaranteed to get a reaction.

4. Have your family and significant other start sleeping in coffins. This may be quite jarring the first few times you see them, but after awhile you'll become used to it, and may even become fond of it. This way, when you have a viewing before the funeral, you can pretend they're sleeping. **Notes of caution : The first few times you see them in the coffin, you're brain will automatically assume they're dead, but before you make the horrible mistake of burying them alive, try to wake them up first. Conversely, at the funeral, you may be so taken with the idea of them just being asleep, that you ask that they not be buried. In case of such an event prepare ahead by training someone to talk you out of it, or write a note reminding yourself that they have already been embalmed, and there's no way they're just sleeping.**

5. Start a shrine now. Waiting til after they're dead will only cause a headache. There are a couple ways to do this. You could set aside a closet with a table and start buying candles and religious iconography to decorate. Leave a space for a picture frame, and when the person dies you can just insert the photograph. (If you're already stalking this person, you should already have such a shrine erected, so this step can be ignored). The other type of shrine is one in which you keep their bedroom intact from before their death. To start now, (so you don't have to do needless cleaning when they're dead) be a total Nazi when it comes to the placement of things. If they don't put something exactly where it should go, verbally rip their head off. (Sure you're relationship might suffer, but you'll save time after their death). If you have to, take permanent marker and make outlines around everything, so there's no question about their placement.

If you start adopting all of these habits now, when it comes time for you to grieve, you'll have a lot easier time (and maybe a little fun).